9:14 pm - Tuesday, Sept. 21, 2004
Boy goes to South Carolina and I mean to do Things
Hi.

There are many things that I�ve been putting off. Once we move downstairs I�m going to look into starting my own photo-altering business. I�m going to get back to learning Chinese. Oh, and math. I�d really hate to forget everything I paid thousands to learn. Of course, I�ve got that table I need to refinish. And I really really mean to set up a budget for us. And journal. I mean to journal too.

There are people who fit everything in, aren�t there? I mean, people who go to work and take the kids to soccer and bathe their kids and scoop the litterbox and make dinner and get lunches ready for the next day and pay their bills and call their friends and spiff up around the house and work on their hobbies and I don�t know what all else� There are people like that. I think. I used to believe there were women who looked graceful when they put on pantyhose, but as you age you learn this isn�t so.

I mean to go to Walmart tonight. And then I mean to help fix dinner. And clean up the house. And wrangle Boy into the bathtub. And paint a few ceilings downstairs. Maybe move some stuff into a few closets. And scoop the litterbox. And post this online. And look up Daisy Trees on the internet. I keep meaning to do that�

My problem isn�t that I don�t have enough time- I think my problem is that I think if I don�t get my entire to-do list done in one night then I feel like I didn�t do enough. Ok then. I�ll just have to cut the list down and then do the rest some other time, right?

AuntieM is coming. Her husband died a while back- she used to have to stay with him almost all the time, meaning she couldn�t come to spend the night very often. She misses him. She�s coming to spend the night and do girly things with me. We�ll have fun, but it�s hard for her because it�s another reminder that he�s gone. We�ll have fun, and if we need to cry then we will.

I still haven�t written about his death, have I? Simon did. I�ll do it later. Go read what he said.

Boy went to SC all by himself. He flew away on a Friday, came back the next Friday. The scamp. I missed him. It was good that there is a Simon in my life now- I didn�t mope. We didn�t take full advantage of the freedom � there was too much to do - but I think it was good for all of us.

While he was there he got a hair cut. I knew Simon�s step-dad wouldn�t let it rest � Boy ended up letting them cut it so he didn�t have to listen to him gripe anymore. I said �That�s alright � it�ll grow�� to which he replys � that�s the plan��. Last trip down there his new Granddad was God. The coolest, most knowledgeable man alive. This trip Boy notices oddities. Boy notices a certain amount of prejudice, a certain lack of smoothness, a certain amount of intolerance that had gone unnoticed before. Boy is noticing these social kinds of things more and more. He watches interactions between adults and judges them. �That was sort of babyish��, etc. He tries to explain things he�s seen go on between people � who said what, where they were looking, what they did � I can�t always make out what happened, but I do get that he�s watching these things very closely. Either it�s a phase or he got the anthropology gene from his dad.

Speaking of phases: Boy is all about his safety these days. Not in any useful way- he�s just as likely to run into the street without looking � but in a theoretical way. We went camping as a family for the first time this weekend. He asks if there are bears. My cousin informs him there are bears around, but he�s never seen one. Boy proceeds to fret about bears for the rest of the evening. What if a bear found us. What if Mable found a bear. What if a bear got mad at us. I finally figured out he was saying �Am I safe?�� forty two different ways. So this is the question I answer. You are safe. We are safe. Simon and I are confident in our safety.

Later Simon and I discuss whether this is connected to Boy flying to SC alone. I think maybe it�s like how a baby learns a new skill then has a month of clingyness- Boy gets a new view of the world (ie, how much work goes into his care and protection) and then gets worried. Simon thinks this may be so, but it could be unrelated to the whole SC thing. How lucky am I to be married to a man who will not only listen to me talk about this stuff, but actually participate in the discussion and give a damn. I told you I picked a good one.