1:22 pm - Monday, Jul. 28, 2003
more wedding stuff
So, I was telling the story of my wedding day. The morning-of I got up many, many hours before I wanted to, packed up Boy and went to get the flowers. Only the flower shop wasn�t open. So I went to Loon�s house. Loon went to get pens, ice and all the way back to Ypsi for the flowers. Boy and Crazy and I went to the park to get the tables ready. Picnic tables can be made to be very heavy if you use enough wood. There was a lady there who was gathering picnic tables from around the park, and as she was by herself, Crazy and I helped her schlep some from here to there. Crazy and I agreed that her schlepitude was meager compared to ours.

Crazy stayed to tape paper on the tables and make sure no one made off with our stuff. I was fighting a growing sense of panic over getting everything done in time. Alternating with this was a sense of wonder at how little I had to. Make bouquets, heat up mac and cheese, get Boy and I dressed. It really didn�t sound like much. The problem is that snags will catch you by surprise and pull you away from the task you had in mind.

Boy and I went back to the house. The plan was that we�d pick a whole bunch of daisies for kids to hand out to grown ups, that way all the kiddos who wanted to be could be flower girls and boys. Loon arrived with the ice and the pens and the flowers.

A few assorted notes about the flowers: A little assembly was required�. Roses are Cheap in June�one florist wanted us to pay 4.99 a rose, we bought them from a place that wanted $10 for a dozen�Do not stop to smell the Daisies- Woof!�if store-bought-daisies and wild daisies were in a fight, wild daisies would win in one round because the store bought ones are anemic looking and wilt fast. But I digress.

Loon ironed Boy�s clothes and helped load the food. I stuck some stuff in the oven. The puppies were there too, did I mention that? Because while all this is going on they are barking. Like, nonstop. So the creepy drunk guy across the road yells that we should shut those dogs up before he does. This requires the puppies coming in the house. At about this time the people who are helping out are trying to get to the park. There is a humongous traffic jam on 23, so everyone is calling us with their cells and warning us not to come up 23. Imagine the puppies are barking and the phone is ringing and we�re trying to get ourselves together � do you begin to get a sense of the bedlam?

Loon and I take a shower. Not together, two separate showers, but anyway, she begins the difficult task of doing my hair. My hair is very straight, and we were going for curls. There was much hairspraying. She pulled the front into tiny little ponytail holders. Then she curled the top layer in back and put little tiny sprigs of baby�s breath into each little ponytail. The entire time people are calling wanting to know if we�re leaving yet, and do we know not to come up 23, etc. etc. We put our dresses on. Loon had a gauzy purple knee length dress that came with a gauzy purple jackety layer to go over it. She also had the cutest strappy sandles with beaded flowers across the bottom strap. She looked gorgeous. My dress had a corset for a top, with an open back and straps that went back and forth to lace it up. The bottom was big and poofy (something I never thought I�d go for) with satin underneath and a layer of gauze over it. There was a strip of some shiny gauzy stuff that I was supposed to wear around my shoulders. White high heeled sandals and I was dressed. I felt like a princess. Like I was going to be in a play or a parade. Like I had to stand up really straight to keep my boobs from flopping out or the dress from falling off.

We loaded up the cakes, and the last of the food, and some flowers, and a table that Simon forgot

ASIDE:

You didn�t think I�d make it all the way through this without an aside, did you? So that morning when I was leaving the house, Simon and I were double checking each other�s to-do-list to make sure nothing got left out or forgotten. The altar was his job, and we made a little joke about him forgetting the table. At the time it seemed like the last thing that would be forgotten.

HA HA:

and Boy and we were off, about a half hour after we had told people we�d left so as they would quit calling us. Loon was driving. Boy was watching the cake. I was clenching my toes. I wanted to be there and I wanted things to go well and I didn�t want to disappoint anybody� I kept finding my fingers clenched on the OhShit handle and my toes clenched up in my sandles. I would take a deep breath or two and find my self all clenched up again two minutes later. There was a moment when I looked down at the dress and really realized I was getting married. This time last year I had pretty much resigned myself to being an old maid. I could see the dress on me, but it didn�t feel like I belonged in it.

I was an hour and a half late for my own wedding. That�s not as bad as it sounds, because all the guests were late too. And it was at a park, so the kids were running around throwing frisbees, and the grown ups were talking. I got out of the van with that funny feeling like I was playing dressup again. One by one all the women folk came up to give me a hug and tell me how pretty I looked. I got a big rush of relief seeing everyone relaxed and happy. Then a big rush of belonging in that dress. I belonged in that dress because I was getting married. I was supposed to have attention paid to me. I was supposed to wave and smile and look pretty.

Loon and various other people unloaded the van, Wayne and I set up the altar. Haju ( the Zen Buddhist priest from A2) put up the Buddha. We set flowers around, and tea, and candles. None of the guests really knew what to expect from this ceremony. There was no aisle, no chairs, no flower girl or bridal march. The kids sat on floaties or the ground� Some people had brought lawn chairs, most people just stood.

Haju started things by ringing a bell. It was a brass bowl that she rang with a tiny mallet. Then Simon and I offered tea to Buddha. I held the bowl, Simon poured the tea. Next we lit candles. Simon had bought mulberry paper and folded little lotus blossoms for the candles to nestle in. We lit the candles for those who couldn�t be there. I was thinking about my grandmother- Boy would she have liked to have been there. And Simon�s Mom- she wanted to be there too. We bowed to each other and then everything was set for the marrying. I was so excited and happy, not the least bit nervous or tense. Boy brought up the rings, and we did the �With this ring I thee wed� thing. We had bought Boy a necklace for the occasion too - part of the ceremony was about becoming a family. He was dying to wear it- it�s so shiny and sparkly- but we wouldn�t let him until the ceremony. We had gotten the rings in the mail a few days before- we were dying to wear them too. They were so shiny and sparkly- but we couldn�t till the ceremony either.

Haju announced us as a couple and a family. I asked everyone if they would support us in our marriage, and that was it. We were married and we were a family.

Of course, the day wasn�t over yet. We walked over to the pavillion to eat and make merry. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. It went off just like I had hoped- there was plenty of food- there was plenty of drink, there were plenty of children running around. Wayne and I were very gentle feeding each other cake for fear of each other�s retaliatory cake smooshing. There were no wine glasses, so when people wanted us to kiss they�d shout �Clink clink clink clink�. I got to spend a little time with just about everybody. Just about everybody had someone there they knew to talk to. The children had a blast. They ate the fondant roses I had made purely for decoration. Fondant tastes pretty yucky without flavoring or anything- it�s cornsyrup and corn starch. I guess any sugar source will do when you�re a kid. As for the cake itself- wowee. Loon made a million and a half batches of chocolate buttercream frosting, which was on devil�s food cake that sandwiched a filling of ganauche.. Ganache. Ganash�.the stuff in the middle of truffles. It was wicked yummy.

One by one people left to go put their kids in bed. Then everybody who had a long drive ahead of them, and then finally it was just us chickens who had no kids and no where to be. I had never stood so straight for so long- you want good posture buy a corset. At nine the park closes. There was a bit of a hustle there at the end, because the park ranger wanted to go home and no one was in the mood to pack things up.

I would say that we pulled it off pretty well for a family with no money. If you�ve got friends and family like Loon and Auntie M you don�t need money, I guess. The only thing I wish there�d been more of was time. When it was time to pack up, a bunch of us still wanted to party. An after party would have been nice, but then Wayne and I had plans, of course, so if there had been a party I would have been so pooped I�d have probly gone to sleep when we got home.

Then there was the honeymoon. After two months of hellish stress we had nothing to do and no obligations. It felt like some switch had been thrown. We ate ice cream for breakfast every morning� played video games whenever we wanted, went to see movies rated R at four in the afternoon, ate out (Although we�re still eating leftover sandwich meat.), had sex when we wanted with the door wide open. It was a life of decadence. And the nice thing was that we didn�t have to fly anywhere, or rent a car, or deal with airports, or try to figure out where we were going in an unfamiliar town, or strain our budget�

On Thurs we went up to see AuntieM. After the wedding she took Boy up north with her. I felt vaguely guilty about Boy not being around. I felt like if I wasn�t taking care of him then I was neglecting him, even if other people were taking care of him. I understand this isn�t true, and that he needs to visit people and build his own bonds with AuntieM, I�m just telling you how I felt.

We had a very good time. No fishing, no boating (there was rain), but drinking and staying up late every night. The puppy girls had a great time too- Mable damn near caught a chipmonk. Lucy was ecstatic, barking and chasing after Mable, although the truth is that she doesn�t know what they�re after. She just likes to bark and run. AuntieM feeds hummingbirds and Orioles and RosybreastedThingumies. The hummingbird beeped at us when it thought we were too close.

Simon got to spend some serious time with my cousins. I thought they would have a lot in common, which they do, and I thought they�d get along, which they did. The night before we left I got drunker than I�ve been since the first time I went to college. One of my cousins brought some friends over and everyone sat around a bonfire. My other cousin crashed his jeep, (He�s ok, but the Jeep isn�t) so he caught a ride with us down to Lansing. His apartment is both bigger and nicer than mine.

That next week life returned to normal. Sort of. Simon�s dad called him and asked if the honeymoon was over yet. You know, we�re back to our old schedule, but things are much better than normal. There�s no stress about the wedding, my health is improving, the weather is good, I�ve got a job� I haven�t lost that honeymoon feeling yet. There�s a sense of wellbeing and security that comes with marriage that I hadn�t known would be there.

Both of us enjoy talking about our spouses- �I have to call my husband�, �Just the other day, my husband was telling me�� etc. And of course, every time I reach for something with my left hand I get a glimpse of the wedding band and grin. I�m so glad to be married.