1:04 pm - Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2002
Yuckity yuck
Are you noticing the distinct lack of entrytude lately? It certainly isn't because I haven't had anything to write about... I've been asleep. The last few weeks have been a kind of uncomfortable string between large beads of sleep. When I was awake I hurt and felt bad and wanted to go to bed, but when I was in bed I wanted to be done sleeping and out living my life. There are a lot of people in my life right now that I would really like to be with. It makes me angry and sad and really really angry. I hate not being the boss of my own body. It's like some kind of intruder- when I'm walking across campus it's not cooperating, with its painful hips and weak legs, when I'm eating it's screaming how it really is full and would rather I didn't eat anything at all, when I'm just sitting around it's all about these little ribbons of pain that run up and down and over the joints. I've taken to trying to ignore the damn thing 'cause it's pissing me off. My Doctornurse gave me some new medicine to try. It dopes me up pretty good at night, but it helps with the sleepiness. Between that and some other meds we reckon we can get it tamed a bit. I don't want tamed, I want gone.

Simon has been pure gold through all this. I remember thinking a very long time ago that a lot of people seem nice, but the really good ones don't show until things go bad. Simon is a really good one. It is hard on any relationship when one half is gone. I may be in the next room, but as soundly as I've slept I may as well have been in Siberia. He's been honest and allowed, nay, encouraged me to be honest, and he's been flexible and understanding, and he's said what needed to be said (sometimes that's hard) and just been zactly the kind of guy I wanted with me if hard times hit.

Have I made you puke yet?

So sorry, had to be done. I felt like I needed to document why the entries had disappeared.

I would like to make an entry about how informing the parents about Simon went... we'll see how long it takes to pull that one off.

Sleep good when you get around to it:)