10:53 pm - Wednesday, Jul. 03, 2002
A Lesson Learned, A Very Small Tirade, and some other shtuff....
This is an entry about smallpox....NO! This is an entry about dating. That's right, meeting people. Hunting for a soul mate.

Crazy/Loon recently decided I should meet an acquaintance of theirs. He was single, good with kids (he has one too), smart, funny, had an ex who looks a lot like me, and he's single. Since he was also single they decided we might be a good match.

ASIDE:
Yes, there is a story or two there, but they will be for another day. And they're the kind of story that must be told wisely.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLATHER

He called. We talked. For more than an hour. It was nice. We agreed to meet. He calls later to say that he can't meet when/where he had first said, how bout we meet at another place or something.... I knew that it would be hard for us to pull off a meeting since we both had children to schedule around, but in the back of my mind I wondered if he was blowing me off. I let him know I was flexible, and we agreed on a time/place.

I decide on casual dress. I arrive to find him in sweats. Either this is a serious brush-off or the fashion lobe of his brain was damaged. We talk for a while. It's nice enough, but I just can't figure out what he's about. He doesn't appear to be brain damaged... If he can't stand me, why'd he invite me over? If he wants me to leave, why's he making me tea?

When the time comes for me to go, I ask if he wants to get together again... he says yes, but he's going to be busy for a while, blah blah blah. I am sure at this point that this is a brush-off, but I just don't understand why he doesn't tell me he doesn't want to see me.

Then it hits me. This is karma. I have given the "I'm so busy next week" blow-off to a person or two. Now I was experiencing the result of someone else being unwilling to create an uncomfortable moment. I think he didn't want to hurt my feelings (duh). But the assumption was that it would hurt less this way, or that he could somehow control whether or not I got hurt. It could also have been he was just a coward when it comes to witnessing "unpleasant" emotions. Whatever. I don't so much care what his deal was; here's why:

1)Having learned more about him, he's right... we're not a good match at all.
Although he is single.

2)I learned a valuable lesson for free! He taught me that a brush-off is confusing and hurtful and ugly. I am way never going to do such a thing again.

3)I learned another lesson, closely linked to the first: I will be grateful for rejections. They save time, money, heartache and confusion.

I've already used this new-found knowledge. After I got over myself and figured the above lessons out, I decided that meeting people was a Good Thing. I signed up on an internet personals place (it's not as lame as it sounds, although it could be:).
I've met several folks online, and have even progressed to a real-world meeting.

ASIDE
If you're reading, you know who you are.
Hi!
AHEM

One of the guys I wrote responded with an "I don't date single moms".
I promptly and sincerely thanked him for this info, 'cause it really was good to know. We're obviously not a good match.
That said, I will admit that, while I'm grateful for rejections, I don't exactly enjoy them. One is grateful to have one's teeth pulled if they've been aching, but the procedure ain't fun. I will get over my bitterness and grow up just that much more...in a day or two. Right now I must bitch a little about the assumptions made of us single type moms.
Yes, my kiddo doesn't have a Dad, but that don't mean I'm looking for one. I am way Way WAY more picky about who I want in my Son's life than who I want in mine. I'm looking for someone for Me. If I think they're all that I surely will introduce them, but if they aren't into kids, am I going to think they're all that? Um, no.
Does that mean I could not be talked into a relationship with person who was not "All that"? No no no, especially if the relationship involved good sex. Hell, mediocre sex on the weekends, as long as I don't have to remember their birthday or buy their beer.
Ok, so that's a bit crass. And maybe I'm speaking about the absolute limits of the relationship spectrum that I feel comfortable with. But the point I'm trying to make is that I am not limiting myself to some pre-fabbed model of a relationship. I'm a gonna meet someone I like and work it out from there.
Of course, in all of this discussion I am completely ignoring what kind of relationship said other person would want....this was not intended to be a rational unbiased look at the situation...oh no. I warned you - I'm just bitchin.

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There are no fireworks in the area tomorrow. We have to wait till Sat. Does anyone else think that's sick and wrong?

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I've changed some things in my profile and on the "Older stuff" page. Your browser may store the old one, so if you're interested you might need to hit refresh. You should peruse the peoples on my faves list. They's good readin.