10:14 pm - Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006
Sir Simon the Warm
I just love when Simon picks me up. He's not much taller than me, maybe an inch or two, but he can pick me up and toss me over his shoulder. Or pin me down and kiss me. Damn, it's sexy.
He read the poem I pasted in here the other day and asked if I was scared of men. And I said I wasn't scared of him. Which is mostly true. I know I could be scared of him though. The closest I usually get is the thrill when we're chasing each other through the house and he's going to catch me. But I've had sick moments in the past where the thought of him being angry drove me past distraction. Let me just say that it's my problem, not his, because I know he'd never hurt me. It's just I have a pathological need to keep the men around me from being angry.
Which makes me wonder how this will effect Boy. Will he have a similar need that he picked up from me? Will it be a need to keep male figures or female figures happy? Will he instead grow up to be a man who expects women to appease his anger? Or will he invent entirely new ways to make therapists rich? Strangly enough, I wonder these things but I don't worry too much. I've become resigned to the fact that we all have issues, and I suppose my own children have to be given something to overcome, right?
Funny. I just realized that I hadn't even started to think of Peanut and what she'll be seeing a therapist for. I suppose it's because she's such a simple creature yet.
Simple and sweet. I cannot express how sweet. I look at her and I just want to squeeze her and squeeze her. How do I describe how precious she is?
My internet time is up- I have to be all responsible and go wash bottles and the like. Why I save this for the last thing at night... I mean, it's nice to have a whole set of clean bottles in the morning, but I could just as easily do it every morning, and I'd be a whole lot happier. I've got to do something about my schedule, because soon I'm going to be the teacher, and school won't be starting at 10 am.
I started marking when we have sex on the calendar, because I suspected Simon of exaggerating the gaps between, and he suspected me of exaggerating the proximity of the events. Then I started keeping track of fertility things. And today I added when we shower to the list of things to record, because I contend that Simon doesn't wash any more than I do.
Sometimes I think I need a slightly larger life. But then again, today was fun. We played, Simon and I did. And I read two books. And the baby was an angel. And some laundry got done. And I put a star on the calendar.
Life was large enough today.