8:09 pm - Saturday, Apr. 29, 2006
The baby is coming
It's been three months, and I've already lost some of the details. Babies being born always mean no sleep, and lots of effort, and a state of being that doesn't put you in a good frame for remembering things later.
I do remember being worried . We went to the labor triage desk and were escorted to a room right away. It felt like cheating, not having to wait for a turn in the holding tank, having a nurse pass judgement on whether you were really in labor. I envied the other families though, because of course I wasn't in labor at all. I wasn't dilated at all. My baby was getting evicted because I wasn't taking care of her well enough. Harsh but true.
We're put in a room that's larger than our bedroom back home. To get things started they place a string that's impregnated with softening stuff around my cervix. They put a wireless belt on me to monitor the baby's heartbeat and whether or not I have contractions. Simon reconoiters the hall for the beverage room. We take advantage of cable to watch our shows, and the nurse sneaks a peek too. After a while they come in for the first upgrade- I'm losing the wireless model and getting a wired one, for better clarity they say. I'm actually feeling sort of crampy, which is good. Sometimes just this stuff kicks labor into happening without further ado.
Soon enough they come in and say they're not happy with the external monitor- they want to do an internal one. I didn't know there was such a thing. Placement entails breaking my water- yucky, very similar to peeing one's self - and sticking a monitor clear into the womb. Then they take another monitor and stick into my baby's scalp. I didn't know that's what they were doing with it or I might have objected. What I did know was that peeing was now very difficult. Somewhere in this process I'd been given an IV in the hopes this would cheer up the baby. Getting up to pee meant unplugging the tubes, dragging the IV, trying to arrainge things so I didn't pee on anything, then making my way back, plugging it all back in, getting into bed and trying to get comfy again.
After a while they came back and put me on oxygen, again an attempt to perk the baby up. It was unnerving to think the baby needed perking, but the whole time there was a steady blip-blip sound in the background that meant the baby's heart was beating.
I don't remember when, but at some point Loon came. It was morning. I hadn't slept much. I was actually having small contractions. Each one would make the monitor cord squirm- it felt like I was wagging a tail out my hoo hoo - very creepy. It kept worming its way out, which meant the midwife had to come shove it back in. Eventually the stringy thing came out too, and they said we probly didn't neeed it anymore anyway. I had gone from nothing to 3 centimeters with the gentle contractions of the night before.
I've lost the sequence of events somewhat, but I remember that on the few times I talked Simon into leaving, there would be an Event, or News. I remember talking to Loon and hearing the baby's heart slow dramatically. We stopped talking, and a Nurse came in. This happened twice, I think, and it was VERY SCARY. I remember they were starting the pitocin and I was scared of it, because I'd had it with Boy and it hurt.
I had wanted this birth to be all natural. Ha. I hadn't wanted an epidural- I was supremely confident I could handle it. But now I could see that it was possible that this baby would need to come Now- if her heart slowed down like that and didn't speed up I'd want them to cut into me pronto, so I began to think a pre-emptive epidural would make sense. They made Loon leave, and I was a little sad about that, but of course Simon was there and that was good. He always make me feel better just by touching me. Having people mess with your spinal column is scary, and you can feel a surprising array of sensations when they're doing their thing and it scared me. Especially because some of the people behind me were student doctors of some sort.
I did have contractions. Some really sucked. I was glad when the epidural kicked in, and then I felt guilty, like I was cheating to not feel the labor.
Eventually I talk simon into going to get lunch, which means an Event , right? The nurse came in and began to Bustle. She said the doctors were out there and they were going to place another monitor, she was betting her sweet bippy. Sure enough, a herd of smiling laughing doctors and midwives comes in. Keep in mind, I've seen a midwife like twice since I came in. Now I've got three doctors and a couple midwives and someone else for good measure. They explain they're going to put a monitor up against the baby's cheek and check her oxygen. This will be tricky, they say, and uncomfortable. I figure it can't be bad, what with the epidural. I'm right. It is a little uncomfortable, but apparently very tricky. They're twisting and pushing and pulling. Two Doctors give it a try. Finally it slides into place and there's a new beep for the baby's heart. There's much congratulations for the placement, but one of the Doctors says something to the effect of, I'm telling you right now this isn't great, and she needs to come out, and we all hear her heart slow down again. I want to cry. Loon calls Simon and suddenly everything is happening very very fast. I'm signing things. They're unplugging me from things, wrapping things up. They're wheeling me out by the time poor Simon gets there.
We're going down the hall in such a hurry. I want Simon and Loon. They wheel me into a very bright, very small room. It's cluttered, it's so full of medical geegaws. They lift me onto the skinniest table I've ever balanced on. They tie my arms down, maybe my feet too for all I know. I remember seeing my feet and thinking how dirty my socks were in contrast to the pristine environs. Then a drape went up. A crew of people were upping my epidural. It was like getting new glasses- one or two, does this feel cold or wet. I was worried that I wouldn't get enough juice and I'd feel them cut me.
They let Simon in about the time they started cutting. I could see a reflection of my belly in the lamp above- a lot of red. I felt them press on my belly and then I felt a lightness. I was emptied. My baby was born. They told us what I already knew and I asked Simon to go with the baby... You'll have to read his account for the best description of that. Meanwhile I had started shaking. I always do that after surgery. I couldn't stop. I was sooooo tired too- I asked them if I could sleep. My eyes were shutting by themselves. After a while someone brings Zoe past. She has a little knitted hat on. I'm deeply touched by the fact that someone who didn't know her made her a little pink hat.
After a while they're done stitching me up and we're off to recovery.
To be continued ....