4:55 pm - Saturday, Jul. 06, 2002
Dead people don't use the phone
So last night I went out with a bloke I met online. He's very cool, fits the profile in my head, blah blah blah... There was no chemistry. Isn't that a body thing? I mean, don't the tinglies happen because you smell some kind of pheremone or you see the shape of his shoulders or some stupid thing and then your body goes into primal mode and BAM!!! Fireworks! I feel like my body has let me down. Doesn't it know that the pool of suitable people is very small?

Of course, It's all about letting me down lately. I mean, now that I finally have the self assurance and the self knowledge and the hutzpa to go out and really use my body, it decides it no longer has the funding to maintain its infrastructure. Aging should go the other way, like on Mork and Mindy, so that when you're a teenager you're stuck with an old-people body, and when you're middleaged you get the body that matches your prime-of-life psyche.

And you know what else? So should your period. I've been pmsing for days, and then my period started (well duh) and I was like, "You know, I'm really not in the mood...why don't you come back when I'm not so damn bitchy." How much more sense would it make to do it the other way around?

Found out someone I sorta knew a while back died in a car wreck, presumably while abusing prescription meds. He has a daughter and an ex-wife who've been through hell because of the stuff he's done. I kinda don't feel bad he died- I kinda wish he'd died sooner... then all those times he didn't call would have been because dead people don't use the the phone, not because he was just too much of a shmuck. Hmmmm, that came out a little harsh, but it's true.

Sometimes it's hard to like men. I know of one woman who abandoned her kids without so much as a phone call. I know many many many men who've done such a thing. Like Boy's dad. I hate to even call him a dad.... he was a sperm donor. Boy used to think a lot of his dad, but lately he's taken to calling him stupid. He's finally allowing himself to be angry at a guy who should be in his life and is choosing to walk away. The man who had seen his own son twice one year, but was coaching a little league team. The man who would drive four hours to go hang with his nephew but couldn't be bothered to drive across town for his son. The man who still doesn't show any signs of understanding the way a phone works.

But I could go on all day. I do not want this diary to turn into a big ole bitch list. I think I will get off my high horse now and go do something about dinner.