5:46 pm - Sunday, Jun. 09, 2002
Self Approval
I've been spending a lot of thinking effort on who I should tell about this thing. I'd never ask my family to read my old journals, but I've been wondering if I shouldn't tell them about this site. Phone conversations, heck, even visits don't really do a good job of conveying who I am and what I'm about on a day-to-day basis. Then again, do I want my family to know who I am? The thought scares me a bit, as I'm certain they won't be happy. It seems like it would be inviting criticism and wreaking havoc. If my parents found out who I turned out to be, wouldn't it just break their hearts, wouldn't they just shrivel up with grief?

A therapist once said I wasn't in control of what they felt, and I should quit pretending I was. From this point of view, wouldn't it be a very theraputic thing to do, to let them see what I've done with the life they gave me and leave it up to them as to whether or not to rend their clothes and gnash their teeth.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

I'm 27 and I still seek my parent's approval. That's sick.

Quote for the day- "What do you call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, magnanimity, forgiveness? Different results of the one master impulse: the necessity of securing one's self approval." From "What is man" by Samuel Clemens